A friend of mine who is a pastor was once approached by a man who was a member of his church. My friend had just become the pastor of this particular church and had yet to established close friendships with anyone. The man’s proposition was simple: “Let me be your ‘go-to’ guy. You can let your guard down around me, let down your hair…be a real man around me. I know being pastor means you have to keep up a certain image, but I’ll be glad to be the guy you can be yourself around.”
My pastor-friend’s response? I don’t need to be someone different around you. THIS IS WHO I AM ALL THE TIME.
Of course he didn’t mean that he’s perfect or that he doesn’t need close friendships. He meant that his public “image” matched up to who he is in private. He meant that he rejected this guy’s definition of real manhood as someone who presents one image publicly, yet needs to be someone different in private.
A few weeks ago, my wife and I spent a couple of days in Las Vegas with some friends. (What happened there did not stay there, by the way. I’ll be glad to tell you about my trip. One part involved me shooting a machine gun…how’s that for real manhood?!?!?)
Naturally, we met a few people who were there for…well, what most people go to Las Vegas to do. We met men and women who in their everyday life were accountants, factory workers, moms, college students, etc. Put them in Las Vegas, though, and it was clear that they were behaving in ways that they would never behave in their normal, everyday life.
It dawned on me: these were people who were taking vacations from themselves. Something in their regular lives does not fulfill some need they have, so they go to places like Las Vegas to immerse themselves in a lifestyle that is not their own.
Something else dawned on me: I don’t need a vacation from myself. That’s not to say I don’t need a vacation from time to time…trust me, I do! That’s not to say that I’m 100% completely happy with who I am all the time (like when I step on the scales, or when snap at my kids, or playing basketball with younger and more athletic guys…). I just (try) to be who I am consistently enough whether I’m in Hattiesburg, Las Vegas, my parent’s house in Alabama, or at the beach.
The times I find myself most satisfied in life is when I am being most obedient to God’s plan and His will. It is also many of those times that I find myself on an incredible adventure that goes beyond any need I have to go outside of who I am at the core of my character in order to find satisfaction.
When we do this, it’s called “compartmentalizing” our lives. We segment our lives into categories like “home me”, “work me”, “vacation me”, “spiritual me”, “college football game me”, etc. It’s just another way of saying, “God you can have these areas of my life to transform, but I want you to leave these other areas alone.” All we are doing, then, is selling ourselves short of what a full life in Christ can (and should) be.
Most men have an idea in their head of who they want to be. Most men also fall short of that ideal. Guys, the answer to making up that gap is not found in taking a few days a year to try and be someone we’re not. The answer is finding our purpose in God’s plan and then being daily the kind of man it will take to get us there.
Whatever need you think you are meeting by vacationing from yourself, begin by asking these questions:
- Is it a healthy need I’m trying to fulfill? If not, then confess that to God and turn away from it.
- If it is a healthy need (like to be respected, loved, to have a sense of purpose, to feel alive, etc.) then how I can appropriately fulfill it regularly?
Want to be respected? Find a way to serve others, and/or read Proverbs to see what a wise man looks like. Need adventure? Pray about how you can step out in faith in a way you have never done before. Need an adrenaline rush? Become “Mr. Sunday Morning Preschool Worker”. Need a spark in your romance? Become “Mr. Take Out”.
Bottom line: real men are consistent in who they are (Hebrews 13:8, 1 Corinthians 10:31-33). Make this summer’s vacation a vacation to recharge yourself. Not a vacation from yourself.